Marriage and Sacrifice

Marriage and Divorce 

"There's no hope for us. I feel like we shouldn't have gotten married in the first place."

"We just don't love each other anymore. We get along better if we live apart than if we stay together." 

Most of us have been affected by or known someone who has gone through the devastation of divorce. Marriage is no longer associated with the fairy tale ideals we once knew. The brave and chivalrous prince saves his beautiful, charming princess and they live happily ever after. Even if this is an improbable view of matrimony, marriage nowadays seems to be more associated with "ball and chain" or "starter marriage" attitudes.Nearly 60 percent of Americans aged 25-60 who have only a high school degree are "significantly less likely to achieve a stable marriage, or even to form on in the first place" (Marquardt et. al, 2012). This is sad and shocking. 

Why are they losing hope in marriage? 

Why are the once common ideals of marriage being challenged or worse, ignored? Some answers come from the way that they were raised. A struggling single mom may blame her situation on her parents broken marriage. A young, transient father may never have had a father figure in his life to give him direction. These heartbreaking situations and many others all highlight the need for an increased focus on strengthening the marriage relationship in order to strengthen our future, our children.  

What can we do?

There have been valiant efforts within government programs to encourage and strengthen individuals towards marriage such as tax deductions and social security benefits yet beyond this we cannot expect any government institute to legislate the eternal happiness and blessings that can come through marriage. Financial incentives and tax cuts are nice but are only superficial. Marriage is ordained of God and as such should be the source of life's greatest joys.It should be a connection felt deep within our souls. Husband and wife capture a glimpse of their ultimate potential as they engage in this ultimate union. This feeling could never be forced by laws or legalities but by obedience and understanding of God's law. The answer is to invite God into our hearts and into our marriages. A friend shared this experience with me:

"One piece of wise counsel my mother-in-law gave me before I got married was that she always wanted her husband to put the Lord first in his life. She taught me that she knew if her husband always put the Lord first, then she knew that she would always come second. If he didn’t put the Lord first, then she had no guarantee of where she would end up on his priority list. So, she counseled me to always encourage my husband’s relationship with the Lord, when He is the priority, I know I am second because that is how the Lord would have it."

This is good advice. As long as we are trying our best to improve our relationship with our Savior our relationship with our spouse and others will improve right along with it. We can no longer rely on society or government to uphold marriage values. Spencer W. Kimball reminds us that we must "believe deeply and actively in the family...to preserve [it] in the midst of the gathering evil around us" (Kimball).

References:

Elizabeth Marquardt, David Blankenhorn, Robert I. Lerman, Linda Malone-Colón, and W. Bradford Wilcox, “The President’s Marriage Agenda for the Forgotten Sixty Percent,” The State of Our Unions (Charlottesville, VA: National Marriage Project and Institute for American Values, 2012).

Spencer W. Kimball President of the Church. (n.d.). Families Can Be Eternal. Retrieved January 13, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1980/10/families-can-be-eternal?lang=eng.