Pornography in Marriage

Pornography and Marriage

Does using pornography to enhancement sexual experiences have a place within our marriage?

This may seem like an uncomfortable conversation to have but I feel it is one that needs to be addressed if we want to purify and keep our most intimate relationship from being influenced by ways of the world. Pornography distorts and demoralizes the innate feelings we have as humans. Those feelings, the desires, love, and passion, that dwells within us was placed there by a loving Heavenly Father. This powerful, God sanctioned response is not to be distorted or minimized by the selfish, lusty ways of society. 

We want to keep our most deep and intimate relationships sacred. That doesn’t mean we keep it a secret. We can and should talk about our feelings and desires with our spouse openly. The key is to talk with our spouse, not others outside our marriage. Talking of intimate moments with others can create distrust and heartache. Keeping this part of ourselves sacred reminds me of the promises we make in the temple. What we do in the temple we talk about only in the temple to preserve the sacredness of the ordinances and covenants. The same should be so for our marriage. At the very least it is out of politeness for our spouse and our marriage. 

Concerning whether using pornography to enhance the sexual experience of intimacy is acceptable, either alone or with a partner, I refer to several quotes from modern-day prophets to help us understand what is right.

Spencer W. Kimball cautioned us,

“If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true and the Lord would not condone it” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 312).

Since pornography steers one to satisfy selfish desires, this quote by Howard W. Hunter encourages us to avoid such behavior. 

“Tenderness and respect—never selfishness—must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 68; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51).

Ultimately, pornography robs us of charity for others. We cannot expect a close marriage or relationship if we allow pornography into our lives.