Jim and Pam
"When you are a kid you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that." -Jim Halpert (The Office)
We all go into marriage with the best intentions. We want love, happiness, and intimacy. However, in a realistic world, we can't always have this fairytale ideal. There will be ups and downs yet many couples have very few tools to use when their relationship falls into those down times.
According to Dr. Gottman there really is one thing that couples can do to have a happy marriage. This is to develop a deep friendship with each other. He explains that one thing that makes or breaks a relationship is the accumulation of positive interactions versus negative interactions. This he calls his "magic ratio"; for every negative interaction, a happy marriage has 5+ positive interactions.
Read this article to learn more about this 5:1 ratio.
A fun example of a TV relationship that exemplifies this accumulation of positive interactions is the relationship between Jim and Pam from the TV show The Office. Throughout the entire series you witness meaningful gifts and service they each do for each other. For example, Jim gives Pam a teapot with various sentimental and meaningful objects. Another time, he made sure they made it to Pam's favorite pie stand because she was feeling so stressed by life. Pam also reciprocates these love acts as well. On his birthday, she makes Jim a fun comic book starring him. She also secretly sells their home so that Jim can pursue his dream at a sports marketing firm. It is just these types of offerings, big or small, that let your spouse know you are thinking of them. More often they are the small things and this helps strengthen friendships within marriages. When these small acts accumulate they become a protection for when the hard times come, helping us to overlook the small inconveniences or irritations and focus on the best times. This plays out in the clip below. See if you can notice the repair attempts that each make to save the love in their marriage.
We all go into marriage with the best intentions. We want love, happiness, and intimacy. However, in a realistic world, we can't always have this fairytale ideal. There will be ups and downs yet many couples have very few tools to use when their relationship falls into those down times.
According to Dr. Gottman there really is one thing that couples can do to have a happy marriage. This is to develop a deep friendship with each other. He explains that one thing that makes or breaks a relationship is the accumulation of positive interactions versus negative interactions. This he calls his "magic ratio"; for every negative interaction, a happy marriage has 5+ positive interactions.
Read this article to learn more about this 5:1 ratio.
A fun example of a TV relationship that exemplifies this accumulation of positive interactions is the relationship between Jim and Pam from the TV show The Office. Throughout the entire series you witness meaningful gifts and service they each do for each other. For example, Jim gives Pam a teapot with various sentimental and meaningful objects. Another time, he made sure they made it to Pam's favorite pie stand because she was feeling so stressed by life. Pam also reciprocates these love acts as well. On his birthday, she makes Jim a fun comic book starring him. She also secretly sells their home so that Jim can pursue his dream at a sports marketing firm. It is just these types of offerings, big or small, that let your spouse know you are thinking of them. More often they are the small things and this helps strengthen friendships within marriages. When these small acts accumulate they become a protection for when the hard times come, helping us to overlook the small inconveniences or irritations and focus on the best times. This plays out in the clip below. See if you can notice the repair attempts that each make to save the love in their marriage.
What we witness here is that we must be kind and develop our relationship so that it will last. When we are talking about a covenant marriage, one that will last forever, we have all the more reason to put our best efforts into it. This may seem like a daunting and never-ending task but the way to happiness is quite simple. H. Wallace Goddard, author of Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, tells us the answer to a happy and lasting marriage is simply following the gospel of Jesus Christ. The Savior teaches us to love our spouse. He teaches us to serve them, to forgive them, to show patience and kindness. Goddard explains that as we turn our hearts to our Savior, our hearts, in turn, are changed toward our spouse and others. What a beautiful idea! I know that by following the example of our Savior we can strengthen our marriages and build our friendships so that when the tough times come we will be able to weather the storms well.
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